| So, you want to fall in love? You are certainly old | | | | present different selves:at workwith familywith |
| enough and moving | | | | friendsin gatherings with acquaintancesIf your |
| well along your chosen career path. Many of your | | | | answers tell you that you have difficulty accepting |
| friends are either married | | | | and liking |
| or in committed relationships. You have grown | | | | yourself, or if others frequently respond negatively |
| weary of the singles sceneand the solitary life. | | | | to you in your |
| Therefore, you must be ready, right?Not | | | | interactions with them, then this is an area you |
| necessarily.So what is relationship readiness anyway? | | | | should begin work on. |
| Exactly what it says. You are | | | | Self-love is at the foundation of all healthy |
| adequately capable of handling the commitment and | | | | relationships.3. Are your past relationships really in the |
| challenges that a | | | | past?If we don't get adequate closure on painful |
| healthy, intimate relationship requires.How do you | | | | experiences/issues from |
| know if you are ready? What are the characteristics | | | | past relationships, we are at risk of bringing them |
| you need | | | | into present and |
| to have or acquire in order to be ready for true | | | | future relationships in order to relive and resolve |
| love?There are four primary areas that you should | | | | them.Therefore, it's important to know that you |
| explore in order to assess | | | | have dealt adequately with |
| your present state of readiness.1. Take an inventory | | | | any significant hurt or loss and have learned from |
| of past traumas and related major issues.You should | | | | any dysfunctional |
| mentally review these and honestly look at how well | | | | dynamics you may have contributed to.If you find |
| you | | | | yourself slipping into unhealthy patterns in your |
| have already addressed and resolved them.As you | | | | thoughts or |
| work through each, ask yourself, "Is this impacting | | | | Behaviors as they relate to others; stop, identify, |
| me negatively | | | | and then deal with |
| in my present life." Also explore with yourself the | | | | that leftover issue.4. Do you know what you want |
| possibility that the | | | | from a relationship?We enter into relationships for |
| issue could become problematic once you have | | | | many different reasons and with many |
| entered into an intimate | | | | different expectations. Knowing what yours are will |
| relationship.If you believe that there are things you | | | | help you to |
| have not yet adequately dealt with, you | | | | determine if this is the right relationship for you.Too |
| need to go to work on these. If you are unsure, | | | | often we "choose" someone using an unconscious |
| then they bear closer | | | | level of thought |
| examination. Consider utilizing resources such as | | | | as our primary input. It is there that we hold our |
| therapy or joining a | | | | deepest unmet needs, |
| support group.An example of such issues can include, | | | | fears and desires. Unfortunately, there is often a |
| but not be limited to; | | | | chasm between our |
| emotional, physical or sexual abuse in childhood, | | | | conscious and unconscious selves that keeps this |
| parents' divorce, loss | | | | information |
| of a parent or other loved one, or a past abusive or | | | | "hidden" from our rational and thinking |
| dysfunctional love | | | | side.Therefore, it is very important to examine all of |
| relationship.2. How's your self-awareness and | | | | your feeling and needs |
| self-esteem?If you do not possess adequate self | | | | regarding any future relationship. Honestly look at |
| knowledge and a positive sense of self; an intimate | | | | what you must have |
| relationship will be difficult or impossible to sustain.For | | | | and cannot live without.You must know what you |
| instance, do you know yourself well enough to | | | | want and need from a future partner in order |
| answer the following?Can you state your most | | | | to choose the right one for you.Now, spend some |
| deeply held values?Do you know what you can't live | | | | time exploring these four important areas before you |
| with or without in a relationship?Do you have a good | | | | enter into a serious romantic relationship. By doing |
| grasp of your life goals?Do you know your own | | | | so, you will be |
| strengths and weaknesses?Now, do a quick | | | | helping to ensure that your new relationship will be a |
| assessment of your self-esteem.How do you see | | | | healthy and |
| yourself?How do others see you?Remember you | | | | lasting one. |